God, stars and scars

I walked into an empty room and things became more familiar to me.
the plain white walls glowing under florescent lights reminded me of maps and where they started.
all on a blank page.
desolate land untouched by the human hand.
each step I take... am I changing the world?


I can imagine the sky at night,
you didn't have to go deep into the mountains to see unpolluted skies.
we saw the stars but the stars never saw us.

holes poked into the lid of a small box that held humanity
each star was only a source of oxygen that seeped through hand in hand with beauty.
only I'm scared of what's on the other side

I've been to the top of the Empire State building and to the peak of a mountain,
but I never saw God until I was on the ground long enough that the dirt under my palms stopped the bleeding and  my shoes were filled with regret so heavy that those holes in the sky seemed to be the only way out.

no matter how much I feared the other side.

i stand tall but gravity  still takes its toll on me.
my hands and knees have met the ground more than once
but those conversations still come with painful hellos
and prolonged goodbyes
there's no scar tissue, no callouses to lessen the pain

guilt made its home on my shoulders
occasionally spilling his blistering hot tea down my back.
trickling down my spine & ice cold by the time it got to my feet
an ocean of pain
and i'm too tired to swim

it turns out God was just as much in the dirt as he was in the stars
and i'd only turn back to see the flowers that followed me.
my head mapped all the wrong turns into my heart
& i haven't lost hope that i'll find the right way